Have you ever found yourself chasing something but unsure why? I've been a competitive athlete my entire life. At times, I've felt it defined me. I've competed at the highest level in CrossFit, and after trying again but failing to qualify, I found myself at an all time low. I've lived through some of the most amazing times, but still felt unfulfilled. Only after taking a step back, reflecting, and making some changes in my life was I able see the bigger picture and find my WHY.
I spent a majority of the year 2016 doing the same thing day in and day out. That "thing" consisted of sleeping, eating, breathing, talking about, thinking, and doing CrossFit. Countless hours in the gym prevented me from giving time to my company Wags and Weights, my relationships, and to myself. I found enjoyment in competing but found it difficult to have much balance in life. In 2016, I qualified for the CrossFit Games and competed as an individual. Now don't get me wrong, it was one of the most amazing experiences I will ever have. 1 in 40. I was one of the forty fittest women on earth. But, this blog isn't about my time competing. It's about how I felt when it was over. What I had to do when it was time to start over and try again.
The year following my qualification for the CrossFit games was pretty insane. I bought out my business partner, which gave me a new position within the company, and ultimately, left me as the sole decision maker. I was still training 5-6 hours a day with hopes of making it back to the CrossFit games. At the same time I was in a long-distance relationship where I found it difficult to dedicate any time to my partner. Trying to juggle all of these things, while also maintaining a focus on my athletic career, seemed nearly impossible. I was struggling to enjoy the process, but more than that I was failing to find happiness in any of my endeavors. When it came time to compete, I had nothing left in me. I felt defeated. I had given up on myself and everyone knew it. I did not qualify for the games that year. In fact the only thing that I took away from that weekend was the amazing support I had from my friends, my family, and the fans of this company. I specifically remember coming off of the competition floor and seeing 3 or 4 new people I had never met wearing Wags and Weights. The feeling it gave me was indescribable. It warmed my soul and lit a fire in me again.
When it was all said and done, I took a long hiatus. I reflected on the happy times I had competing as well as the times when I was very sad, unmotivated, and drained. I made a decision that I was going to create more balance in my life. This included giving more time of myself to other areas of my life I hadn't in the past. I found myself starting to enjoy training again, but also appreciating the moments and not just living through them. Being able to create something that unites the fitness and dog communities allowed me to discover that competing wasn't the only thing that was bringing me enjoyment. The people I've met along the journey have impacted my life just as much as my athletic accomplishments. Ultimately, through all my struggles and experiences, I found my why. If you ever find yourself truly unhappy in anything you do, take a step back and reflect. Is this something that you want to be doing for the rest of your life? Does it make you happy? If at any point you don't feel fulfilled in your current situation, never be afraid to take a risk and change it.
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